sept/november
cançons en loop
àlbums
la veritat és que aquests darrers mesos he estat escoltant el mateix de sempre... sí que he escoltat un parell d'àlbums de Black Country New Road, però no m’han agradat molt cap dels dos... The Place Where He Inserted the Blade és molt bona però... ouagh,,,
vaig recomanar First Light de Makoto Matsushita a un company de classe i li vaig dir que Sunset era la millor cançó. Va tornar i em va dir: “Tens raó, ‘Sunset’ és la millor.”
vaig escoltar the first glass beach album i la veritat ha estat sorprenent. només coneixia forever i pensava que les seves cançons eren d'aquell estil, una mica com beach house però que va. no m'esperava els tos emos i el soroll. m'han agradat moltes pero altres eren massa tally hall mother mother i pfff peresa. però en general es molt bon album
llegint
he llegit!! estic llegint molt més del que acostumo. estic molt content. ara mateix estic llegint Permagel, d’Eva Baltasar, i és molt, molt bo !!
- Heaven
- Sweet Bean Paste
Notes
- ja no sona el piano al portal.
- ja no se senten tant les obres i no molesten.
- he decidit agafar un bus que surt més tard al matí. em permet aixecar-me una mica més tard i menjar, beure cafè o te... a més, tarda com una hora a arribar a la uni, així que llegeixo molt. està bé.
- estic coneixent moltes infermeres noves i són totes perfectes i simpàtiques
- no va passar res, again
- i love panchiko
- vaig veure ethel cain i bandalos chinos. bandalos chinos molt molt bons realment. molt fort.
- hem fet un challenge d'animació en 24h i va ser molt graciós
- tinc por constantment però estic gaudint molt del present
- m'encantaria viure al japó. estic obsessionat. sent que seria començar de zero... encara que allà no follaria RES gagged
- estic en una banda de rock ara
agosto
the end of the summer is here at last. these three months have been very rough for me. so many ups and downs, i felt like i was on a rollercoaster: my dog passing away in may right after i finished my last college exam of the year, right before my trip to japan, and after a series of other events in my life, like my period coming back... it’s certainly all been very tough on me. one of the hardest months of my life so far.
i feel very disconnected from everything and, overall, i've never felt more incapable in my life—incapable of almost everything: of success, of happiness. i don't feel valuable. my second year of college was terrible for my mental state. i broke, in every sense of the word. i completely broke. i don't know how i pulled it off, but i did, and that's a small win. i got honors in my character design class, and it made me feel very proud of myself. it's funny how, no matter my age, i always yearn for that academic validation. shrugs.
picking up web design has honestly saved my summer. i look forward to it every day, adding and filling up everything i can. i have so many ideas for little things i want to write here. i've never been a journaling type of guy in the first place. i don't know how long i'll keep this up, but i'm trying to enjoy the experience anyway. nobody reads this anyway, and it's freeing.
i'm very grateful for my friends, and i feel like i've reconnected with many of them this summer, but sadly i've never felt more alone and alienated from people my age. it's so hard for me to speak, to voice anything out loud. i don't feel smart enough for any conversation, and i am so painfully shy. i hate it. i shake and i can't speak to save my life. and i'm so sensitive to jokes... i'm made of glass, and i hate it.
i've picked up reading again after years of not touching a book. i'm trying to branch out from art only and come to terms with the fact that i will become a teacher—and that's okay, because it's also what i've always wanted. animation degrees break you, man, i swear.
i want to do so many things once i get back to madrid. i'm really looking forward to this winter. i want to go outside more, like my friend anna does. and i hope i get to see her soon, too. i really do love her.
things i enjoyed this month
- branched out and reconnected with other aspects of myself
- observed
- the chris rainbow anthology 1974-1981, so good so good!
- forcing and succeeding at making myself watch more movies
